Thoughts ridden by kash Apr 20, 2009

India Squirting

I reproduce here an email that I received as a forward from one of school friends, Mihir Badiani. It represents an humorous representation of the Incredible India that we see today. And the name of the author is also a humor intended at the contents if you observe carefully. Here it is:
Despite the global economic meltdown, thanks to the Incredible India campaign a trickle of western tourists continues to make a passage to India. And do they find India Incredible? They sure do, as this intercepted letter from an enthusiastic visitor shows:
    Hi, all you folks back home, Boy am i glad that i came to India. It's even more Incredible than they say it is. Back home in the US you hear that India is a very dirty and unhygienic place. Well, i can tell you that's not true at all. India is a very clean place. Incredibly clean in fact. And you discover this as soon as you leave the airport and see all these people, all men, all busy hosing down the streets, the buildings, everything, with streams of water. At first i thought: Oh my Gawd! Are all those guys peeing? In full public view? Gross, man. Then i said to myself: Nah, it can't be. After all, this ain't just any ole India, this is Incredible India. So these guys who i thought were peeing were, Incredibly, actually cleaning the streets and buildings by hosing them down. And the most Incredible part of the whole thing was that the hoses they were using were in shape, size and every anatomical detail identical to men's youknow-whats. Now, is that Incredible or is that Incredible?
    As the you-know-whatshaped hoses show, Indians are Incredibly inventive and artistic. In fact, every Indian is an artist. Except they don't use paint brushes or canvases. They squirt paint — always red paint — straight from their mouths onto the walls of buildings, pavements, passing cars, whatever catches their fancy. The result is that the entire Indian landscape is a work of expressionistic art, like a Jackson Pollock painting, except it's all in varying shades of red. Sometimes one of these squirtedout works of art gets washed away inadvertently by an overzealous hoser. But, hey, no big deal, because sure enough, before you can say 'K G Subbramaniyan' you've got another instant masterpiece splattered on the same spot. Aaah thooo! as the local saying goes.
    Apart from traditional arts and crafts such as wall- and pavement-paintings, India also boasts a number of Incredible modern marvels. The whole world knows of the Nano, the world's most economical car. But did you guys know that apart from the Nano, and to keep all those Nanos from bashing into each other, India had with great foresight already invented the world's first mobile traffic islands which help regulate traffic on the busy and crowded streets? These traffic islands in the middle of roads are not only self-propelled, capable of moving about on their own will, but have been designed in the shape of the sacred Indian cow so that no one, rash motorist or jostling pedestrian, dares challenge their right of way on pain of eternal damnation. The result is the Incredibly Indian traffic jam.
    But perhaps the most Incredible thing about Incredible India is the Tall Tales Competition that takes place nationally every five years, or whenever the mood takes the country. In keeping with the ancient oral tradition which goes back to the time of the great epics, the Mahabharat and the Ramayan, master storytellers from all corners of the land compete with each other to see who can tell the biggest whoppers, the tallest of tall tales, the mother and father of all fictions and fables, to what is said to be the biggest audience in the world to judge such a contest. Those who tell the biggest and most imaginative lies are rewarded by being given free run of the country for the next five years. And the most Incredible part of it is that this great fibbing contest is called Democracy.
    Indeed, everything about India is so Incredible that i've decided that i want to stay here forever and never go back to the US. I'm not too hot at fibbing so i don't think i can take part in the tale-telling competition. But i could always become a hoser. Thing is, will i be supplied with one or do i gotta bring my own hose?
    Yours etc,
    A S Quirt
 This is what makes India incredible. Traffic islands to be or not to be, we still love our country but to see it transform from third world to the first, we must cultivate the patience that is no longer a virtue in today's youth.
Later .....


Post a Comment

Express your thoughts here ...